Wayne Meets His Idol

Recently, Wayne the beach bum met his idol. Wayne reminds one of Spicolli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

He lives and breathes surfing, sun, and good times. Wayne's idol is surfing champion, Rod Mcvie, who happened to be recovering in hospital from a major surfing accident that put him, at least temporarily, in a wheelchair from two broken legs.

Wayne was so excited to meet Rod--the conversation went like this:

Wayne:
Whoa, dude, like you're my idol! I saw you man in Waimea Bay--remember that gnarly tube you cut-back after catching major airage on the lip. Brah, dat was da bomb. You gotta tell me how that felt!

Rod:
Well, you know...

Wayne:
Nah, bruddah I don't.

Rod:
Well, you've surfed, you know how amped it feels backdooring into a bump then full-on boosting it into a rip before you finally drop and just glide all the way back to land, your buds all hooting from the shore. It's like you become one with the wave, one with the universe.

Wayne:
Cool. That was totally the sickest thing ever! I so wish I could do that.

Rod:
Maybe one day kid. For now you may be a grommet, but in time and with practice you might make the big waves...

Wayne:
Nah, I can't.

Rod:
Sure you can.

Wayne:
Nah, I can't...I can't swim.

Rod:
You can't swim? So how do you surf?

Wayne:
I don't.

Rod:
What do you do?

Wayne:
I sit on my surfboard and watch from shore.

Rod:
Oh.

Wayne:
I tried to surf, but water freaks me out. I love surfing though...anything with boards. I tried snowboarding but couldn't you know...snow is frozen water.

Rod:
What about skateboarding?

Wayne:
The word skate reminds me of ice which reminds me of water...

Rod:
So you're screwed.

Wayne:
Basically. I have hydrophobia.

Rod:
So you how do you live--can you drink water?

Wayne:
No. I live on slurpee injections.

Rod:

Slurpee injections?

Wayne:

Yeah, when I was a kid I had an elongated brain freeze that lasted two weeks. I've been hooked on them ever since. My girlfriend injects my neck with slurpees every night and every morning. She has to do it just before I go to sleep or before I wake up because I get freaked at even the sight of ice.

Rod:

So you live each day with a permanent brain freeze?

Wayne:

Yah, it's awesome!

Rod:

If you're so afraid of water, how can you sit on the beach all day and watch people surf?

Wayne:

I guess I think of it like flying, and the water's like the clouds...

Rod:

Okay...

Wayne:

Dude, I gotta bolt, it was wheely, I mean really (sorry) really nice meeting you.

Rod:

Yeah, it's been real kid.